Maturing my way out of life

*cue to the enthusiastic music*

Guess who's back!
I'm sure there's no audience waiting for my update on this site, but yeah I'll act like it
........just in case someone is looking at my twitter account and find this site

I went through all of my old posts, only to realize that I've been soooo mature and wise for someone with the age of sixteen-ish. But really, I'm so damn proud of you, my old self (this is where I give myself a pat on the back).

I'm nearing my 20 now, and wOw, time surely feels like it's flying at high speed.

I'm in the beginning of my 3rd year in university. The best advice I can give is: do enjoy your time with uni life. It is once in a lifetime, yes, and it would be such a waste if you take it for granted. Go outside of your comfort zone, as they always say. But this one's true. Nothing can be any truer. Uni life gives your life a very different perspective. It teaches you to stand strong on your own. It teaches you to be considerate of other people. It teaches you to always be present wherever and whenever you are. It teaches you that failure is just one step closer to success. It teaches you to be fearless. Basically, it teaches you literally anything you want to learn. So please don't just sit in your room after class has ended. Go mingle, find some adventure, and spread your wings, little bird!

You know what, being 20 actually scares me. 20 is a big number. This is where you actually start to be an adult, with real responsibility waiting ahead. This is the age when you start to think about the future. Your future. What will you do when you graduate from university, where will you work, what do you want to be in the future, will you find the right one for you, when will you plan on getting married, et cetera et cetera. All of these thoughts has been on my mind for a couple of weeks. I try not to think about it, but well, what can I do if I'm not going to think about it?
But maybe I don't have to think about it, not now at least. Maybe the best way to fight these thoughts is to just go with whatever life throws at you and figure everything out on the way. Isn't this so much easier to do? (no actually you still need a game plan just in case something unexpected happens).



I was laying on my bed this morning, scrolling through my phone reading some kindness story on steller. It made me want to share my own, so here it is.

Not too long ago, I went to the airport to pick my mom up with my father and sisters. My father asked me to go to the ATM with him because he needed to withdraw some money in my card. So I went with him.
I walked behind a guy who brought a big suitcase with him. The guy happened to go to the ATM too. I saw him struggling to open the door in front of me, so I did the only thing I could think of. I opened the door for him. He seemed startled by this and said thank you to me. I replied you're welcome with a small smile, mainly because I also was startled because of my act lol. I realized this is the kind of kindness story people used to share. And I actually did it!

Shortly, I was happy I could help that guy even if it's just opening the door for him.


Now my question is,
will you help me to spread kindness to others?

Untuk gadis bermuka manis
Yang menyimpan segenggam kisah pahit dan tangis
Di antara hujatan dunia yang bengis
Percayalah pada rentetan syair yang dengan cinta ditulis

Dunia mungkin tak seindah sastra
Tak sedamai maya
Dunia mungkin memberi banyak luka
dan sandiwara yang tak pernah sempurna

Tapi, Nak
Selalu ada alasan mengapa kita jatuh dan kalah
Selalu ada alasan mengapa hati harus menyerah
Karena pilihan yang dunia berikan tak pernah salah

Kamu tak perlu ragu
Ataupun merunduk malu
Kamu hanya perlu tau

Bahwa kamu lebih dari pantas untuk bertahan dan dipertahankan
Bahwa kamu lebih dari pantas untuk berjuang dan diperjuangkan
Karena baik kamu sadar atau abaikan...

Dunia membutuhkanmu lebih dari yang kau fikirkan

-KLA-


Surakarta, 7 September 2015

Wishful Thinking

Does it ever occur to you when you look at someone
Sit there and drown in their own way of thinking
Probably contemplating about life and such
When you look in their eyes, you could see the light seems so dim
And you wish, in that exact time, that you could fix that and replace it with something else
Promising them that everything will be alright
Because you know, and really hope you're right about one thing
That tomorrow's promises remain to be more beautiful
Than yesterday's shadows

Took me long enough

Isn't it silly how I found myself re-reading my blog posts again? I don't think that I was that person who wrote it all. Yes, back then I really love reading and writing -not that it had stopped-. I even wrote a story on wattpad and found myself amused of my writing, but sadly I didn't continue the story. Not even publishing it. I just keep that little things about writing and stuff to myself. I am surprised, really.

After debating long enough, I decided to write again. If I have time too, of course. And maybe share some of it in here just like what I have done a couple of minutes ago.

Writing and reading help me so much to keep myself up. These two things help me pouring all my emotions out into some sentences. I can't help that my writing isn't that good, but you'll see a part of me through it and I think that is a good thing. To know more about me (I'm referring this sentence to myself).

Unfortunately, and as far as I know, I'm not the person who is good at showing emotions through actions, talks, and gestures. I hardly move when everyone is busy running. And I don't easily say what is going on in my mind. I simply just keep it all to myself until I'm full of it and reluctantly start asking someone for help. But writing; it saves me from drowning in the deep of my mind and helps me find the surface again.

And when I already wrote it, trust me I meant it and I sincerely meant it since I couldnot find my voice to utter the words.

no regret

Do you still remember
When everything started
It seems like
The best that we ever had

Do you still remember
All the sleepless nights we had
Thinking tomorrow is just another good day

Do you still remember
The goodnights and goodmornings
Slowly gave an effect to us
Thinking that this
Was the right thing to do

But what I remember
The most was
When it all
ended

And it feels so good

When I try to remember it all again
As I say to myself
You have made the right decision

New Beginning

Hello folks! It's been a long time since I checked my own blog.
Today I finally finished my studies at my high school, and today too, I graduated! Well, a part of me still couldn't believe it has been three years since I studied there. A part of me too, kinda bit sad to leave such a beautiful memories in my high school years. They say that high school is where the beautiful memories exists and you surely want to go back in time to enjoy those memories. I must say that I agreed to this statement, but I don't wanna go back again ㅋㅋㅋ let bygones be bygones, people!
Some may happy, some may sad. Me? I'm absolutely happy. Not because I will leave those school, but because I have created some memories with my friends. And those memories.... could bring you somewhere in the future. Trust me.
Many says we, high schoolers, still a bit immature about how we think and act. You may fall, crumble, and cry now, you may say bad things, you may act careless, and you may not be the person you wanted to be right now. But remember what other says, it could give you power and like Kelly Clarkson says, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I know, in the end, we can be the people who we wanted to be, we could be the one who makes a great change in the future, and we could be someone that could inspire people out there. And don't forget to put your faith ahead of you.
And now is the time to make some changes. Start from ourselves.

When you feel like giving up, look back at how far you've come. Be strong. Stay on your path. And never stop going ☺

Enam Belas

Speechless

Terharu

Seneng

Sedih

Bahagia

Bingung

Rasanya campur aduk banget hari ini. Nggak tau apa yg sebenernya dirasain juga sih. Tapi bener bener seneng banget rasanya hari ini udah lewat gitu aja.

Tadi pagi aku kebangun sekitar jam setengah 1 dan aku langsung berdoa sama Tuhan, berterima kasih sama Tuhan, bersyukur banget sama Tuhan, dan menyampaikan harapanku buat kedepannya. Berterima kasih sama Tuhan karena udah menyertai aku selama lima belas tahun belakangan ini dan begitu banyak berkat yg Tuhan udah kasih ke aku. Seharusnya aku bahagia hari ini, seharusnya......

Sebenernya apa yg aku rasain bener bener berbanding terbalik sama apa yg seharusnya aku rasain. Bener bener deg-degan dan nggak tau kenapa tiba tiba nggak tenang kyk ada sesuatu yg aneh di hari ini.

Awalnya emang berjalan lancar dan seneng seneng aja, tapi tiba tiba Tuhan ngingetin aku. Tuhan nyadarin aku tentang banyak hal yg bikin aku sedih, seneng, speechless nggak ngerti harus ngomong apa sama Tuhan. Tapi satu kata yg aku bisa ucapkan buat Tuhan sekarang adalah "Terima kasih". Kalo Tuhan nggak nyadarin aku di hari ini, nggak tau gimana aku ke depannya nanti. Dan hari ini juga aku bener bener menyadari kalo Tuhan lagi memakai aku dan membentuk aku. Satu hal yg Tuhan inginkan dari aku, Tuhan mau aku jadi lebih baik dari sebelumnya. Tuhan sampe make banyak orang buat nyadarin aku saking kepengennya aku berubah dan Tuhan bisa pakai aku buat melayani-Nya.

Aku belajar banyak hal dari hari ini. Bagaimana caranya buat mengucap syukur senantiasa sama Tuhan, selalu berpikir positif, punya iman yang kuat dan teguh di dalam Tuhan, kuat di dalam Tuhan, cara menghargai orang lain lebih baik lagi, mengerti apa yg orang lain maksud, belajar untuk lebih membuka diri sama orang lain, mengerti makna mengasihi dan peduli terhadap orang lain, memaafkan kesalahan orang lain dan berani mengakui kesalahan, belajar untuk berbesar hati dan mau mengalah demi yg terbaik, menjadi teman yg menginginkan apapun yg terbaik untuk teman yg dikasihi walau itu berarti merelakan orang tersebut, belajar untuk tulus mengasihi orang lain, menghargai yg namanya persahabatan, mau berubah demi yg terbaik bukan hanya untuk diri sendiri tetapi juga untuk orang di sekitar kita, dan belajar untuk ikhlas.

Aku yg berumur enam belas tahun harus bisa jadi lebih baik dan lebih dewasa daripada aku yg berumur lima belas tahun. Banyak hal yg harus dirubah. Banyak perubahan yg akan terjadi. Mungkin di proses perubahan itu, banyak akan mengalami sukacita maupun sebaliknya. Belajar untuk mengendalikan diri yg paling penting. Enam belas bukanlah umur yg bisa dipakai buat main main lagi, udah saatnya menjadi dewasa baik secara jasmani maupun rohani. Dan aku sungguh sungguh berniat melakukan perubahan itu. Dalam nama Yesus, Tuhan pasti bantu aku berubah menjadi lebih baik. Amiin.

Kalo dibandingin, 12 Oktober 2013 bener bener beda banget sama 12 Oktober 2014. Perbedaannya jauh banget sampe aku sendiri bisa senyum senyum sendiri kalo inget perubahan perubahan apa aja yg udah terjadi sampai hari ini. Dan aku bener bener bersyukur banget buat satu tahun yg penuh dengan perubahan ini. Terima kasih Tuhan...

Banyak suka duka yg udah aku lewatin selama setahun ini. Banyak banget pergumulan yg udah terjadi. Aku belajar banyak dari apa yg baru selama setahun ini. Terutama belajar untuk mengasihi orang dengan tulus.

Aku sungguh bersyukur Tuhan mau nyadarin aku hari ini juga pas ulangtaunku yg ke-16. Dan emang ini waktunya aku harus berubah. Jadi lebih baik tentunya.

Maaf banget buat segala kesalahan baik yg disengaja ataupun nggak disengaja yg udah aku lakuin selama satu tahun ini. Maaf buat orang orang yg secara nggak sengaja udah aku sakiti. Makasih buat pelajaran indah yg bisa aku ambil selama setahun ini. Satu yg aku mau ingatkan, jangan lupa untuk selalu bersyukur sama Tuhan selagi kalian masih mampu. Jangan lupa bersyukur buat apapun yg kalian miliki, kalian alami sekarang ini, karena kalian nggak akan tahu kapan sesuatu yg kalian miliki itu bakal diambil sama Tuhan. Dan aku sangat bersyukur buat apa yg udah aku miliki sampai sekarang ini. Keluargaku, sahabatku, orang orang yg aku kasihi dan mengasihi aku, semuanya. Aku bersyukur aku punya apa yg aku miliki sekarang ini. Dan aku cuma bisa mendoakan yg terbaik buat semuanya. Kalo kalian bahagia, aku juga pasti ikut bahagia. Kalo kalian sedih, aku bakal siap sedia jadi pundak yg selalu menopang kalian.

Terima kasih buat 12 Oktober terindah yg aku alami ini, Tuhan. Terima kasih buat pelajaran berharga yg aku dapat hari ini. Aku mengasihi kalian semua.

Selamat tinggal 12 Oktober, sampai berjumpa di tahun depan :)